Loving Hatred
by Adria Lynne Tondreault
Summary: (saionjixtouga) Saionji travels to the kendo room in the middle of the night to escape the stresses of Ohtori life..pondering and brooding over everything and nothing at once.


||translations||  
Kendo; literally 'the way of the sword'  
Bokken; a practice sword in Kendo, bamboo rods fastened together  
Shimatta; 'shit', something muttered to oneself in exasperation  
Hai; agreement, in this story, 'yes'  
Onegai, Shimasu; 'please, let's begin', formalties used at the beginning of every kendo match.  
Gozaimasu; adressing one very politely or higher than you.  
Arigatou; 'thankyou'  
Tare; a cut to the throat in kendo.  
  
-----  
  
The cold dew-covered grasses gave way beneath the arches of my bare feet. The polished bokken in my loose fist dragged lightly, making a wake beside me with a pleasant rustling noise, comforting in the deadly silence of the deep hours of the night. My breath was the only other noise distrupting this sacred silence, soft and low and cooling my parted lips. It was upon this long walk I made each night that I couldn't sleep, where I could think. The only time I had to think. Yet tonight nothing buzzed in my mind. Just the night magic making every sense sharpen, every sensation heighten..I was so aware of my surroundings that I almost wished for a distraction. The moonlight bathed the forest ground through the canopy, every green almost as black as the practice sword in my grip. Soon the trees gave way to..well, you could barely call it a clearing..two identical sentinals rose on either side of me, gates marking the enterance to this familiar place. A gargoyle stood vigilant on each one, emerald jewels set deep in the sockets of their stone eyes glistened with the pallid starlight, eerie, just the way I had meant them to be. Figures to scare off malignant spirits..and perhaps unwanted passers-by. Upon acscending the steps to the sliding Japanese paper doors, I heard the battle cry from within. "Shimatta.." escaped my lips inaudibly. I was not alone tonight..and furthermore, the sound was unmistakeable. It was him.  
  
I drew in a long breath and closed my eyes before continuing, putting on my usual cold act that I paraded when in front of anyone else. Long fingers found the place where the door parted between the frame, and I slid it open just in time to capture a flash of crimson darting across my vision, accompanied by a meaningful grunt, knowing he was putting a lot of strength into his efforts..for what? I didn't have much time to think before I heard his footsteps draw close, standing and panting heavily before running his fingers through that scarlet hair that seemed to be his trademark. Cobalt eyes focused upon me, and then a lazy smirk. With only a raising of the hand with a couple fingers outstretched in a casual wave to acknowledge me, he drew his lighter bokken and took up his usual stance, eyes trained on an invisible enemy before lunging forward, as if my presense hadn't faded him. But somehow I felt it did.  
  
I shook off the feelings and knew tonight would be no different than the others. Yet somehow I took an unspoken comfort in it, no matter how much I hated him, I knew the friendship..rather, there is no such thing but..the alliance we held when no one was around made me feel comfortable. We would meet and battle sometimes, him always the victor, which made my blood seethe, but afterwards sometimes we would just relax together and talk of things that had nothing to do with anything. Just streams of consiousness.  
  
I stepped out onto the floor, wooden floorboards making no creak beneath my feet, well-laid. I stood facing away from him and tried to ignore the sounds he made, gathering up my wild mane of emerald hair and fastening it into a high ponytail to keep it out of my way, which did little good, stray stubborn tendrils still hanging in my visage. I assumed my offensive position and with and almost roarlike cry I lunged forth, my old tai kwan do making it easy to imagine an unseen enemy, immediately falling into a coreographed battle. Vengeful snarls escaped my lips from time to time, almost forgetting everything around me until, while taking a step back, I felt the stiffness of a bokken in the very small of my back, causing me to let out a surprised sound, for which I immediately regretted.  
  
"You look like you're training rather hard.." came his low, nonchalant voice, but I recognized the purposeful hint of playfulness in it. "Who the hell cares.." came my stolid reply, at which I stepped forward and turned to face him, narrowing my wickedly violet hues. Of course he chuckled, unphased by my brash and violent behaviour, as he was much used to it by now. He was the only person who wasn't intimidated by me, and I hated it. Hatred burned in my heart for him right down to every perfect strand of his perfectly groomed hair and his gloatful blue eyes and his stupid grin. It often made me want to just punch him. But I didn't. I gave a low huff and assumed a casual stance, the toe of one foot balancing precariously on the wrong side of the other, hands holding my bokken on either side braced behind my neck, arching a brow at him.  
  
"If you have nothing else to say, stop interupting me..I'm trying to concentrate."   
  
In reply to my let-down guards, he poked me in the stomach with the hilt of his playsword before setting the tip on the floor, resting his hand upon it and standing nonchalantly with a smirk. "Am I bothering you, Saionji?" He grinned his annoying grin at the sucking in of my taut stomach and narrowing of my eyes..I hated how he referred to me without an honorable as if he had the right to..we may have been childhood best friends, but he no longer had the right. Yet I couldn't feel myself adressing him with such. It was too weird, and I wasn't about to call him as my equal. "Hai, you are, Touga. Now get out of my way." With that, I slipped out of my position and lunged forward with my bokken, meaning to brush past him, but he countered with his to mine using both hands, bracing me where I was. I snarled in annoyance and retreated a halfstep, brutely lunging again and hitting his sword, yet without the formalties of a match I didn't stick to the rules. I braced a hand on either side of my sword, forcing him back with a labored grunt and actually managed to get past him, at which I went right back into my stepped-out battle, hoping he'd leave it at that.  
  
The redhead stared amused at his kendo master for awhile before adressing him. "I challenge you to a match, Kyoichi." He smirked, knowing I would never turn down a battle.  
  
I cringed noticably, my back still to the redhead, the hair on the back of my neck pricking at the boy's persistant words, and usage of my first name. Being a devoted kendoist I was always referred to by my surname. I whipped around with a hiss through clenched teeth, looking royally pissed. "You have some nerve, Touga." I then closed my eyes and let out a breathy sigh, drawing forth the sword and starting quickly with the formalties, both wanting to get it over with and take out my pent-up frustration on the suspecting male. I bowed my head, barely, being one who even when it came to tradition would not bow as low as any other. "Onegai, shimasu."   
  
Touga, on the other hand, performed a low sweeping bow, charming and princelike as always, one hand clasped behind his back and the other at his breast where his heart and rose would rest. His rouge hair veiled his face until he raised it enough to only display his eyes through the crimson strands, grinning and assuming his usual position with such an egotistical smirk. "Hai, gozaimasu." The only time he'd address me as his surpasser.  
  
I took my stance, though now the angered expression was taken over, a slow menacing grin crawling acrost those lips. Without so much as a warning I lunged forward, Touga expecting it and lunging forth to lock bokken, to which I slashed down with my sword and threw him away, retreating a halfstep and taking the offensive as usual, each strike blocked by his skilled student. Touga gritted his teeth as he realized I wasn't just playfighting, my full strength nothing to scoff at. He dug in his heels and managed to block each cunning strike.   
  
My heart pounded in my chest throughout the match, the adrenaline which fueled the power causing me to tremble. Each strike of the bokken against eachother seemed to grow louder and louder, the rattle of the strong bamboo bound together growing mindshattering. Each movement became primal instinct down to the bare basics of survival, lunge; lunge; retreat; hit; lunge; lock; retreat. Patterns that seemed planned were nothing more than compulsive actions, and yet we managed to keep up with eachother, never missing a beat. So coordinated from being rivals since our adolescence. Muscles ached and stamina tested to its peak as each wished the match to just be over whilst somehow gathering some raw pleasure from the wild dance of the swords.   
  
Finally all ceased as the loud snap came, half of Touga's bokken whirring off and clattering to the floor from the force of my final blow. Touga was pinned to the wall with my body collapsed against him, and yet it wasn't my sword which won the battle.  
  
"Tare." Touga breathed, the blunt side of what remained of his bokken pressed to my throat, balanced within the nape. I dropped my weapon with another brute clatter, closing my eyes and admitting a sigh of defeat, simply resting against the redhead in mere exhaustion. It was a close battle, but Touga was always one half-step ahead. Always. The pressure against my neck slid away and I heard another rattle at my feet, followed by warm digits resting on the sides of my shoulders. I slitted open those stormy violet eyes to see my student with his head tilted back against the wall, our chests heaving against eachother in crude rhythm.  
  
"Arigatou, gozaimasu." Somehow the words soothed the beast burning within me. The one status I held over my partner was in Kendo. I was his mentor. His sempai. Everything else Touga ruled, but here, I had the home advantage. After what seemed like hours yet only lasted moments, I took a step back and swiped my palm along the sweat-riddled flesh of my neck, drawing back along matted hair to view crimson fluid staining the pallid complexion of my hand. The bokken shards had apparantly nicked me. It didn't take too long for my student to notice, either. "Does it hurt?" I shook my head no and drew back the stubborn swirls of emerald which clung to my hot skin. The expected and univited touch soon came, Touga's hand brushing the wound with a piece of cloth he'd torn from his pristine uniform, soaking up the sweat and blood and leaning forward, lips parted to coax a cold breath over my flesh, sending a chill down my spine. I hoped for the attention to stop at that, but inside I know it was pointless. We both knew.  
  
I barely had time to exhale before warm lips forced themselves upon mine. My eyes closed tightly and I struggled, but it takes little time for my arms to be pinned at my sides by his embrace, being flipped around with my back against the wall, the way our matches usually end up. He knew I came close. He knew and I did, but it wasn't good enough. I slowly untensed and let him overwhelm me, yet soon I somehow managed to get my hands up to his neck, where I forcefully hold his jaw and chin to meet his wants with a defiant control. I can hear the laughing in his mind, knowing he has complete control over my heart and hating every moment of his gloating presence. What it was exactly that bound me, I didn't know. Not friendship. Something more. Lust? Love? Words are far too vague. Something burning, something..eternal.  
  
I draw in a sharp breath when my lips are released, leaning back against the comforting support of the wall as my hair is let down. A veil is held back over my ear as lips hover there, the heavy breath making my skin goosebump. "Aren't we vengeful tonight," the teasing whisper came, "Something on your mind, Kyoichi?" I hear the parting tear as I force his shirt open, "Don't call me that." That chuckle, that always superior chuckle as I push him to the floor and take the rare part of aggressor for the night. He let me have control just to taunt me. He knew he was the one who was really in charge, but little did he realize that the grip he had on my heart was dying. Dying with the slow independance growing within me. Maybe..  
  
Sunlight coaxed my eyelids ajar. Dawn. The soft breath at my neck lured my gaze downwards. The scarlet lashes splay over my bare, scarred chest. His face lay nestled within my neck, one arm tucked beneath and one lying along my waist. Our legs were entangled, but my mind wasn't acute enough yet to determine just how. A slow smile graces my lips as I watch the boy, running my fingers through the tresses at his temple. This is what I held over him truthfully. As much as he held my heart, I held his. No matter what happened, they always came back to eachother. Why? Only the Gods knew. Yet fate always stayed true. Perhaps this is what eternity I craved. Perhaps..love is eternal.  
  
Maybe.  
  
  
  
  
Adria Lynne Tondreault  
  
(reviews I got elsewhere..)  
  
"Written very well. Good work!" - Allisama  
  
"i remember reading your stories before, and they were wonderful then. but this is something entirely different. you've managed to improve on what you had. i don't know how. but it happened. and this one is so very engrossingly good." - Unfolding Akemi 


End file.
